How Not To Be A Creepy Douchebag

Found this on my Tumblr feed this afternoon and just about DIED laughing.

Oh, sweetie. No, you won’t.

To be fair, I met the man who would, one day, become Mr. Comic Book Goddess while I was managing a comic book store. We flirted, he left, then he called and asked me out. I gave him the business email of the store (something he teases me about to this day) because I had no clue he wasn’t creepy, insane, or a future stalker. I eventually emailed him back and the rest is history.

That being said, I’ve been hit on by a NUMBER of comic book store shopboys and customers and (save for the dude I eventually married) it ALWAYS made me uncomfortable – no matter how unobtrusively it was done (more on that below). It would also make me NEVER shop in your store again, if I was there as a customer (if I was the shopgirl you were hitting on and you were especially obnoxious, I’d duck into the back and have someone else serve you).

So, you ask, how do you hit on a shopgirl or one of your customers (or, how do you hit on a girl at a comic con)?

Short answer: YOU DON’T.

But, if you happen to meet what you think will be the love of your life, there are better ways to do this than others. I was always a fan of slipping the girl your number and email address with the statement, “do with this what you will”. Then you NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.

IF she’s interested, she’ll contact YOU.

IF she loses your number/email address, she’ll ask for it.

You’ve let your intentions be known and now the ball is in HER court and if she does NOTHING, this isn’t some creepy rom-com and pestering her (such as stalking her social media accounts) until the cows come home will do nothing to endear you to her. Don’t make things awkward. Just DON’T.

Oh, and for the love of all that is holy and Batman, do not fucking gripe about your current girlfriend and then be all like, “hey, how about WE hook up?” Because EW. NO.

(via ourvaluedcustomers)


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